You're in the queue for coffee and your partner says "beach or mountains?" out of nowhere. Five minutes later you're still arguing about it, and you've learned they would happily never see sand again.
That's the whole appeal of this or that. Each question takes two seconds to ask, and the answers keep leading somewhere. We've put 80 of them below, grouped so you can start easy and work up to the spicy ones at the end. If you want more after this, our couples questions hub has hundreds, and would you rather is the natural next game.
How to Play
There aren't really rules. A few small tweaks make it a lot more fun as a couple, though.
- Take turns reading the questions out
- Pick one. "Both" and "neither" are banned
- Give one sentence on why. That's where the good stuff comes out
- Guess their answer before they say it, and keep score if you're competitive
- Skip anything that doesn't fit you two
Both write your answers down first, then reveal them at the same time. Count how many you match on. Under 5 out of 10 means you've got a lot to talk about on the way home.
Food and Drink
Start here. Everyone has opinions about food, and nobody gets hurt arguing about pasta.
Sweet or savoury?
Watch who says savoury and then finishes the biscuits.
Pizza or pasta?
Follow-up question: which topping are you prepared to defend?
Coffee or tea?
If they say both, ask what time of day the switch happens.
Cooking in or ordering out?
The person who says cooking usually orders on Thursday anyway.
Breakfast in bed or brunch out?
One of these means crumbs in the sheets.
Spicy or mild?
Find out now if you'll be ordering two separate curries forever.
Pineapple on pizza: yes or absolutely not?
Some couples never fully recover from this one.
Ice cream in a cone or a tub?
Tub people tend to share less. Just an observation.
Picnic or restaurant?
Picnic people keep a blanket in the car for exactly this reason.
Cereal first or milk first?
There is a correct answer and you both know it.
Lazy Days and Nights Out
These tell you how your partner likes to spend a free Saturday, which is handy to know before you plan one.
Night in or night out?
Bonus question: what time does a night in officially start?
Film or series?
Series people are signing up for a twelve-hour commitment.
Early bird or night owl?
This decides who's making the coffee for the next few years.
Board games or video games?
Either way, someone is going to be a sore loser.
House party or quiet pub?
Ask how long they'd stay at the house party before wanting to leave.
Concert or comedy show?
Then name the act. That's where it gets interesting.
Sofa or bed for watching TV?
Bed people fall asleep twenty minutes in. Every time.
Rainy day inside or sunny day out?
Some people love a rainy day. Find out if you're dating one.
Texting or calling?
Very useful to know if you ever end up apart for a while.
Plans or spontaneous?
If you get opposite answers, you've just found your next small argument.
Travel
Ask these before you book anything together. Seriously.
Beach or mountains?
The classic. People feel very strongly about sand.
City break or countryside cabin?
One of you wants museums and one of you wants a log fire.
Window seat or aisle?
If you both say window, settle it now, at home, calmly.
Road trip or flight?
Road trip people also have opinions about the playlist.
Hotel or Airbnb?
Hotel means room service. Airbnb means someone does the washing up.
Packed itinerary or no plans at all?
A spreadsheet person and a wing-it person can make it work, with effort.
Hot holiday or snowy one?
Ask whether they'd actually ski or just sit by the fire.
Pack light or pack everything?
Find out whose suitcase is going over the weight limit.
Camping or glamping?
Glamping people would like a proper bed, thank you.
Somewhere you love again or somewhere new every time?
This one says more about your partner than it seems to.
You Two as a Couple
Now it gets a bit more personal. Explain your answers on these, because the why is the good bit.
Big dates or small everyday moments?
Most people say small moments and then love a big date anyway.
Matching outfits: cute or cringe?
If one of you says cute, expect a matching jumper at Christmas.
PDA or keep it private?
Worth knowing before the next family dinner.
Inside jokes or sweet compliments?
Both count as flirting, technically.
Surprise gifts or picking them out together?
Saves a lot of polite smiling at birthdays.
Big anniversary or low-key one?
Ask this a month before your anniversary, ideally.
Talk it out straight away or cool off first?
Probably the most useful answer on this whole list.
Big spoon or little spoon?
Rotating is allowed. Some couples have a schedule.
Duvet hog or duvet victim?
Be honest. Your partner already knows.
Long good morning text or a quick "morning x"?
Some people want a paragraph. Some people want a single letter.
A New Question Every Day
Pookie gives you both a daily question to answer, then shows you each other's answers so you can chat about them after. There are 10,000+ questions and quizzes in there too, including Would You Rather and Who's More Likely. Free on iPhone and Android.
Love and Affection
These are about how you each like to show love and get it back. If the answers surprise you, our guide to love languages is worth a read together.
Hugs or kisses?
If they say hugs, ask what kind. A long one counts as its own category.
Love letter or voice note?
Voice notes win for long distance. Letters win for keeping in a drawer.
Holding hands or an arm round the shoulder?
Height difference may decide this one for you.
Words or actions?
"Tell me you love me" versus "make me a cup of tea without asking."
Flowers or snacks?
A lot of people secretly want the snacks.
Handmade gift or bought one?
Handmade includes a very wobbly drawing. That still counts.
Pet names or real names?
Then ask which pet name is banned.
Forehead kiss or cheek kiss?
Forehead kisses have a surprisingly loyal fanbase.
When you're ill: looked after or left alone?
Get this wrong and you're bringing soup to someone who wanted a quiet room.
Cute selfie or terrible doodle?
The terrible doodle is funnier. Every time.
The Future
Light questions about later life. Nobody has to sign anything.
Dog or cat?
Possibly the most important question on this page.
City or countryside?
Ask where you'd each want to be in ten years, specifically.
House or flat?
Then ask about a garden. Garden people are very serious about gardens.
Big wedding or tiny one?
Answer as if money isn't a thing. It's more fun.
Live near family or far away?
This one can open a proper chat, so take your time.
Save or spend?
Good to know before you share a bank account. Or a takeaway account.
Matching tattoos or matching houseplants?
One of these is easier to undo.
Retire by the sea or in the city?
Picture yourselves at 80. Who's on the bench and who's at the bar?
Fixer-upper or move straight in?
Ask if they've ever actually put up a shelf.
Kids one day or plants forever?
Plants are a valid answer at 22.
Silly Hypotheticals
None of these will ever happen, which is why they're fun.
Read minds or be invisible?
If they pick reading minds, ask whose mind first.
Travel to the past or the future?
Then pick the exact year. No vague answers.
Famous or rich?
Rich and nobody knows your name is a surprisingly popular pick.
Zombie apocalypse: fight or hide?
You're finding out who would protect who.
Live in a film or a video game?
Name which one. Something cosy, hopefully.
Talk to animals or speak every language?
Talking to animals means you'd finally know what the cat thinks of you.
Never feel cold again or never feel tired again?
Cold people take about one second on this.
A week in a haunted house or on a desert island?
Ask what they'd bring. Each of you gets one thing.
Fly or teleport?
Teleport people have clearly been stuck in traffic recently.
Be a famous chef or a famous singer?
Then make them do a little demo. Kitchen or karaoke.
A Bit Spicy
Save these for when it's just the two of you. Skip any that don't feel right, no explanation needed.
Morning or night?
You know what we mean.
Lights on or lights off?
Candles count as a middle option. Just this once.
Dressing up or dressing down?
Answer honestly. Your partner will remember.
Slow and romantic or a bit chaotic?
There's no wrong answer. There's only information.
Teasing texts or straight to the point?
Good to know before you send one during their work meeting.
Who makes the first move: you or me?
Then ask if they'd like that to change.
Kiss in public or save it for later?
A small kiss at the bus stop counts.
Bubble bath together or a shower?
One of these involves fighting over the tap end.
Giving a massage or getting one?
Everyone says getting. Then ask who's actually better at giving.
Our first kiss: great or a bit awkward?
Both partners have to answer. No changing your story.
This or that works really well over text. Send one question, wait for their answer, then send yours so nobody copies. Our long distance activities have more ideas for the evenings you can't be together.
Why Tiny Questions Work
Most couples stop asking each other basic questions after the first few months. You assume you know. Then one night you find out they've hated olives this whole time and were too polite to say.
This or that gets around that. It's quick enough to play in a queue, and every so often a silly question turns into a real chat about where you want to live or how you like to be looked after. Keep a few of these in your back pocket for the next long drive.
Frequently Asked Questions
What are this or that questions for couples?
They're quick two-option questions, like coffee or tea or beach or mountains. You each pick one and explain why. They're easy to play anywhere and often start longer conversations.
How do you play this or that as a couple?
Take turns reading a question. Pick one option each, no saying both. For a harder version, guess your partner's answer before they say it and keep score.
What are good spicy this or that questions?
Morning or night, lights on or lights off, teasing texts or straight to the point, and giving or receiving a massage are a fun place to start. Keep it playful and skip any that feel like too much.
Can you play this or that over text?
Yes. Send one question at a time and wait for their answer before you share yours, so nobody copies. It works well for long distance couples or a slow afternoon at work.
Keep the Questions Coming
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