You argued about whose turn it was to pick dinner. It got a bit heated. Now it's twenty minutes later and you're both being extremely polite to each other, which is somehow worse.
Good news: every couple has these moments, and making up can be the nice part. Below is a quick guide to saying sorry properly, plus a pile of cute, slightly silly ways to break the ice and get back to your usual selves. If you want tips for the argument itself, we've got a post on better communication too.
First, Take a Little Breather
It's hard to make up while you're still a bit wound up. Give it twenty minutes or so. A shower, a walk round the block or a cup of tea works wonders.
Just let them know you're coming back. "Give me half an hour, then let's sort this out" sounds a lot friendlier than quietly leaving the room.
Pick a code word for "I need a break, I'm not going anywhere" while you're both in a good mood. Something silly helps. It's very hard to say "pineapple" angrily.
Saying Sorry (the Good Kind)
The best apologies are short and sweet. Here's the recipe.
Be specific
"I'm sorry I teased you about your work thing in front of Sam" means a lot more than "sorry about earlier." It shows you get it.
Skip the "but"
"I'm sorry, but..." cancels out the sorry. Save your side for later, when you're both relaxed.
Add a tiny promise
Something small you'll actually do, like "next time I'll tell you at home instead of making a joke about it."
Accept it kindly
On the receiving end? "Thank you, that means a lot" goes a long way. It's fine to say you need a minute too.
12 Cute Ways to Break the Ice
Once the sorries are out, things can still feel a little stiff for a while. Totally normal. These small gestures help it feel like the two of you again.
Make their favourite snack
Toast cut into triangles, their go-to tea, the crisps you usually pretend you don't want to share.
Leave a sticky note
Stick "I like you a lot" on the bathroom mirror or their laptop. Bonus points for a terrible drawing.
Write a peace treaty
Draft an official treaty on a napkin with ridiculous terms (loser does the dishes, winner picks the film) and both sign it.
Wave a white flag
A white sock waved round the door frame. It's very hard to stay annoyed at that.
Ask with a scale
"Out of ten, how annoyed are you still?" If the answer is a four, you're nearly there.
Play something together
A card game, a quick round on your phones, a silly quiz. Laughing at the same thing is the fastest way back.
Put on your comfort show
The one you've both seen a hundred times. Share a blanket for extra points.
Go for a walk
Side by side is easier than face to face, and a bit of fresh air helps everyone.
Make a make-up playlist
Five songs that remind you of them. Cheesy is encouraged.
Offer a hug
No speech needed. Just "hug?" with your arms out works surprisingly well.
Cook dinner together
One of you chops, one of you stirs, and by dessert nobody can remember what the fuss was about.
Tell them one thing you love about them
Make it specific, like the way they sing in the car or always save you the last bite.
Want more? Our list of cute things to do for your partner has plenty.
Say Sorry With a Doodle
Sometimes it's easier to draw it than say it. In Pookie you can doodle a wobbly little heart on the shared whiteboard and it pops up on your partner's lock screen, or set your mood so they know you're feeling soft. Free on iPhone and Android.
Making Up From Far Away
Long distance adds a little twist, because a quiet phone can feel very loud. These help. (And once you're back to normal, our long distance activities are great for the next call.)
Hop on a call
Text is great for "sorry, can we talk later?" The actual making up is much easier when you can hear each other.
Say when you're stepping away
"Going into a meeting, still love you, talk at 7?" takes ten seconds and saves a lot of wondering.
Mind the time zones
If it's late for them, "sleep well, we'll chat tomorrow" is a lovely thing to send.
Send something silly after
A photo of your dinner, a meme that's very them. It's the long distance version of a hug on the sofa.
When It's the Same Old Argument
Most couples have a classic. The dishes, running late, whose turn it is to plan date night. That's completely normal.
Try chatting about it on a relaxed Sunday, with coffee, when nobody's upset. "We always end up here about the dishes. What would make it easier for you?" You'll often land on a simple fix, like a rota or a rule that whoever cooks doesn't wash up. Some couples even turn their classic into an inside joke. If it's really about feeling appreciated, our post on love languages is a nice place to start.
Making Up Is the Good Bit
Every couple squabbles now and then. What matters is finding your way back, and that part can be really sweet. A clumsy "I'm sorry, I hate this, want a hug?" does more than a perfect speech ever could.
So take your breather, say the specific thing, then go put the kettle on together.
Frequently Asked Questions
How long should you wait to make up after a fight?
Twenty minutes to an hour is usually enough to calm down. Let your partner know when you'll be back so the break feels friendly.
How do you apologize to your partner after an argument?
Keep it short. Say the specific thing you're sorry for, skip the "but", and add one small thing you'll do differently next time.
What are cute ways to make up after a fight?
Make their favourite snack, leave a sticky note, write a silly peace treaty, play a game together or put on your comfort show. Small gestures help things feel normal again.
How do you make up after a fight long distance?
Move to a call when you can, say when you're stepping away, keep time zones in mind, and send something silly afterwards to show you're back to normal.
Back to Normal, a Little Faster
Pookie is where 250,000+ couples share moods, doodle on each other's lock screens and play games together between the good days and the not so good ones. Rated 4.81 from 30,000+ ratings and free to download.